Sleep disorders in children can be both psychological and neurological.
Children can have difficulty in sleeping at nights and may ask to sleep with their parents due to some reasons imbedded in their subconscious. From the moment children begin to discover the outer world (this happens after they reach approximately one year of age) they also discover their fears. Some toys, objects, loud noises, unfamiliar people and movie characters can bring out feelings of anxiety and loneliness in children. Both the children’s and family’s psychology are effected in a negative way when children can’t sleep alone due to such reasons. Why are some children not able to just sleep alone? When should children be accustomed to sleep in their own rooms? What should parents pay attention to in this matter? Neurologist Dr. Mehmet Yavuz from Reem Neuropsychiatry Center expresses his opinions about this subject.
Why do some children not want to sleep alone?
Is this a mistake of the parents? Some children can refuse to sleep alone by delaying the bedtime. In such cases, the bedtime becomes the anxiety time for children. This effects the child’s psychology and also causes the family to worry about this situation. Working parents have a limited time to spend with their children. After arriving home from work they tend to sit with their children until late hours and this causes children’s sleep habits to change and to be destroyed. Therefore family behaviors also effect the situation of refusing to sleep alone and having sleep problems. In such environments children might be reluctant to go to bed, instead they might want to spend time and go to sleep with family members. The child, who misses his/her parents all day long and feels safe when they are with him/her, might want to spend the night with them in the end. Besides children can use the fear of loneliness as an excuse and say that they don’t want to go to their own rooms just because of that. Their fears can be real but they also can be an excuse to sleep with their parents. It is normal for preschool children, especially children aged 3-4, to have nightmares and to be afraid of that. But allowing children to sleep with their parents all the time is not a correct approach in terms of their development.
When should children be accustomed to sleep in their own rooms?
Children should be accustomed to sleep alone in their own rooms from the moment they are born. However since the newborns need to be fed and changed very often until they are a few months old, they can sleep in their parents’ room during that period. But even if the baby stays in its parents room, it is important for the baby to have a separate bed. Even in this case the baby’s future months and years should be taken into consideration and it should be provided with its own room. In this way the child will learn to be an independent person and complete his/her psychological and mental development in full. Babies begin to be in less need of their mothers from one year of age upward, so they can sleep in their own room beginning from that period. In that period, mothers can take advantage of measures such as baby monitors or can just leave doors halfway open in order to meet the babies’ needs quickly.
What should parents do if they have a child who can’t sleep alone?
• Sending the child to his/her own room, even he/she doesn’t want so, should be viewed as a favor not a torture. While doing that you should be nice to your child, telling him/her that he/she should learn to sleep alone and in case of a fear you should be with your child, and sleep with him/her if necessary. However the child should not be allowed to sleep in his/her parents’ bed.
• If the child insists to sleep alone but says he/she is afraid of something, you can put a night lamp in his/her room or the doors in the house can be left halfway open.
• It can be relaxing for the child if the parent reads a story or talks to him/ her before bedtime. Because this kind of a behaviour helps the child accustom to spend time in his/her room at night.
